Main Stitching Done Crescent Dreams

Here is Mirabillia's Crescent Dreams with all the main stitching and backstitching done. I changed the backstitch color for the blanket and hat from a grayish color (used on the face) to a dark pink because I thought it looked better against the pink blanket and hat. Now comes putting on the birth information in a simple backstitch alphabet, then washing and pressing it before adding the beads, silk ribbon, and charms it calls for.

This is a closeup of the baby and blanket. I am very proud of it because I changed the color scheme. The pattern said it came with a color scheme for a blue blanket and a pink one, but it didn't really. The girl version was simply a bluish purple blanket with a few dark pink stitches here and there. For the boy blanket it was still that bluish purple color but with blue stitches here and there instead of pink. I asked Stephanie what she wanted and, like me, she wanted the entire blanket to be pink. Together we chose a few colors until we found ones that we both liked and that worked well together. We are very pleased with the results.

The following is a rant. Someone I considered a good friend sent me an email telling me I complain too often about my pain, so now I'm ranting.

I am still dealing with a higher pain level because the radio frequency wore off. I had the diagnostics for the radio frequency done last week. They were positive which means I am a candidate to have radio frequency done again, YAY. I see the doctor on Thursday to go over the results of the diagnostics and then schedule the procedures. Getting it done hurts like absolute h***, but once I recover from the procedure itself (usually takes a few days) my overall pain level drops quite a bit. Not enough that I no longer need oral medication, but enough that my current doses of medication work so much better! It will keep my pain level below a 5 almost every single day and it will last for 6 to 9 months. Honestly it is annoying that I have to go through such a painful procedure just to get longer lasting relief. Since, in my opinion, the relief is worth the extreme pain I get for a couple days, I will go through the procedure. It doesn't make me pain free, nothing will do that, but it does make the pain alot more bearable. I just hope I don't have to wait another 6 weeks before getting RF done.

Some people have told me that I complain about my pain too much. I've been told in the past two weeks that I'm a whiner. One person told me that if they were in my position they wouldn't complain because it can't possibly be that bad. This just annoys me, saddens me, hurts me (when it is someone I really like who says it, as it was this time), and angers me. Living with a lot of pain just stinks so bad. It affects every aspect of my life and everyone in my family who loves me. It causes insomnia, depression, lethargy, frustration, confusion, fear, guilt, low self-esteem, thoughts of being no good/worthless/broken, and so many other emotions. Those who love me have to deal with their own frustration that they can't make it better or take the pain away from me. My family members have to deal with the fact that I can not do many of the things I want to do and they have to pick up the slack (re: housework and such) when I am off my feet due to pain. This makes them frustrated, angry, scared, resentful and other emotions. When I am stuck in bed crying because I hurt so bad and the medications are not helping and my leg is literally kicking all by itself and every muscle in my lower back and pelvis is twitching hard enough to be seen easily, those who are around me and who love me are completely helpless to do anything to help. For my youngest child and my niece seeing me like that is utterly terrifying. My son (youngest child) has gotten old enough to understand and not be as scared as he used to be but my niece (the baby) is not old enough to understand and she freaks out. She screams my name and sobs. I do my best to hide it when a pain crisis occurs by going into my room and locking the door. I cry into a pillow or folded up towel so the noise doesn't carry. This leaves me feeling very alone, ostracised and outcast when I really need support the most, but I'd rather feel alone than terrify my niece.

I deal with this pain every single day of my life. I can't stand for more than 20 minutes. There are many times when my legs just completely give out, without warning and I end up falling. There have been times where I have lost control of my bladder (majorly embaressing!). Every thing I do increases my pain simply because a person's pelvis takes a lot of stress with every movement a person makes and since my pelvis is broken, every move makes it hurt more.

I do my best to maintain a good attitude. I crack jokes about the weird noises my pelvis and back make when I move (popping, snapping, grinding sounds). I crack jokes about the deep wrinkles that are on my face due to the facial expressions that show up when I hurt a lot. I have had to adjust how I do every day things from taking a shower (using a chair because I can't stand in the shower) to doing laundry (kick the clothes accross the house because I can't carry a full basket) to cooking dinner (sitting on a bar stool because I can't stand long enough) to intimacy with my husband. I can't make promises or plans in advance to go somewhere with a friend because I can't promise that when the day arrives that I will be okay enough to do those plans. There are too many times that my niece comes to me and asks "up Ahma, up" and I have to tell her no because she is now too heavy and when I try sitting on the floor or a chair to hold her she gets mad because she wants to be carried and I can't do it.

These are just some of the things that a person has to deal with when they live with chronic pain. Since I do not complain all the time and I do engage in conversations on many other topics, I do not believe that I am somehow weak because I do complain sometimes. I do not think that my complaining is out of proportion when it is compared to all the ways the pain negatively affects my life and my loved one's lives or when it is compared to the actual level of pain I live with every day. Even though I know these things, it still hurts to be told what I was told and it makes me question myself even though I know I shouldn't.

I'm sorry if my complaining about being in pain upsets or bothers you, but it is a major part of my life and affects my entire life, thus it becomes a topic of thought and conversation for me. Talking about my pain helps me to find the strength to go on dealing with it and not give up. I am ever so grateful for everyone who does listen and emotionally support me when I do complain about my pain. I know that it doesn't feel like it is really helpful to me, but believe me it is extremely helpful to me. It gives me the strength to go on by allowing me the mental release of complaining about it and being heard. I do not seek sympathy, I seek support and in my opinion being emotionally supportive is something that real friends do for each other, no matter what the situation is that makes such support necessary.

To all those who have provided such invaluable support to me in the past (and will do so in the future) I thank you all! I am so very grateful to each and every one of you.

Ok I'll stop ranting now.

Crescent Dreams Update and A Stitcher's Helper

Here is a side view of Crescent Dreams by Mirabilia. I changed the blanket and hat to all pink. This closeup shows the colors really well! It is being stitched on 28ct Jobelen from Silkweaver called Rock-A-Bye.

Here is what the design looked like at the end of my stitching time on Thursday or Friday. I am almost finished with all the cross stitching on this piece and will try to post new update photos tomorrow.

On Thursday June 11, 2009 I had some help stitching this piece. My niece, Bridgette, (whom the piece is for) insisted on helping me stitch. Since the ones of her helping me with the Blackwork piece from Tam's Creations, I made sure DH got pictures this time. It won't let me upload any more pics *pout* so here is a link to the photo album on the Facebook page that has those pictures (Bridgette and I stitching) in it.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/album.php?aid=15111&id=1624692760&ref=mf

Update on Wedding Sampler

This is what the sampler looks like when I finished stitching it for the day. The arch had a new stitch that I had not done before, Diamond Smyrna Stitch. (It's the goldish colored one in between the satin stitch diamonds). I am really happy with how this is looking so far.




Here is a closeup of the arch. The backstitch was wrapped with rayon floss, the diamond were done with ecru cotton floss and the smyrna type stitch was done with 2 colors of cotton floss.

WIP, New Start, and Pain

Here is my update on Teresa Wentzler's Wedding Sampler as of May 25th. I decided to try doing the backstitching as I go along, rather than holding it all off until the end. Teresa Wentzler designs have a lot of backstitch in them. I've read information from many stitchers who do the backstitch as they go along to cut down on how much they have to do at the end, usually because they hate backstitch. I don't hate backstitch because I love how it makes a design look. But I figured I'd give the "do it as I go along" thing a try and see if I like it and if it works well. I'm a bit worried that as I move the hoop around the backstitch will become warped, or break (its only one strand), but so far it looks good!

This is a picture of a completed Mirabilia design called "Crescent Dreams". It is one of the discontinued "Little Stitches" line of charts. This is the design Stephanie (my sister-in-law) chose to be a birth sampler for Bridgette (my niece). It said that it had a conversion for pink for a girl, but there isn't a full conversion. Instead the blanket is a purplish blue with pink dots in it for a girl, or purplish blue with blue dots for a boy. So I had to play with different pinks to try to find 5 shades that worked well together to make the entire blanket and hat pink.

The above picture is of my test stitching using the first selection of pinks that Stephanie and I chose. I did not like them as the color variations were too stark from one another, rather than blending naturally from one color to the next, there was a sharp contrast involved. So we chose not to use those colors. (I needed 5 shades of pink from very dark, to very light)

This was the second set of pinks we tried. As with the first set I did some test stitching on plain white jobelen 28ct to see how it would look and whether the colors worked well together. These did, and both Stephanie and I liked how they looked, so these were the colors we chose to go ahead with.

Now that we had the pinks chosen (and pinks that worked well together I think) I went ahead and started the project on the hand dyed fabric I had purchased for it. This is being stitched on "Rock A Bye" 28ct Jobelen from Silkweaver's Fabrics. This picture is a little dark, but it still shows how well the pinks blend together and work together. I am so very happy with how this is looking! This is my progress as of May 25, 2009. I hope to make more progress today as I have not done my stitching yet today.

Last week was not a good one for me. For some reason at 4AM on Wednesday morning I woke up in extreme pain to find myself laying on my stomach. Apparently I had rolled onto my stomach while I was sleeping and slept that way for a while. I do not know for how long, but I do know that sleeping on my stomach is a very bad thing for me. I woke up because I was in extreme pain and I had symptoms in the right side SI joint, which is unusual for me, at least to have that much pain in the right joint. I usually have that kind of severe pain only on the left, though the right has started to have some pain at the top of the joint when I stand on my feet (cooking dinner or something like that). Now I have sciatica on both sides and in both legs, both joints are popping/snapping and sending sharp shooting pains out, both joints are hurting all the time though the left is still more severe than the right. Anyway, because of the sleeping on my belly thing I ended up spending the end of last week and most of the weekend in bed trying to get the pain under control.

This really scares me. The doctors have told me for years that the right side is not healthy either and that eventually it will cause me as much trouble as my left. When I had the second fusion attempt on the left side I was told that I would probably need a wheelchair within 5 years because the right side was getting progressively worse. Well it has been 10 years since the second attempted fusion, so I got more than 5 years which I guess is a good thing, but the continued symptoms in the right joint still scare me. When the left side hurts a lot, I lay down on my right side and take the pressure off the left. Now when I do that, the right side starts to hurt worse. If I sit up, both sides hurt from the pressure of sitting on my bottom. If I lay on my back both legs get severe sciatica symptoms (numbness, tingling, shooting pains, muscle spasms etc), and well laying on my stomach is just out of the question. So now I am scared that if these newer symptoms on the right are permanent, how the heck am I supposed to ease my pain? Get hung up by my ankles from the ceiling or something?

Dealing with my pain the way it is usually is bad enough. Some days are just horrible and I always hurt extremely badly during my periods. I just don't know if I could handle having that same level of pain on both sides of my pelvis, I really don't think I could.

Sorry about ranting about my back, I just needed to get it out. Here's hoping I will have another update on stitching tomorrow, when I finish my stitching for today.

Update on Teresa Wentzler's Wedding Sampler

This is what the Wedding Sampler looks like when I finished stitching on it today May 17, 2009. I did a lot more than I thought. The second ribbon and all the green between second and third ribbons. Which means I got the green confetti stitching in faster than the first bit, I guess that means my Pako Needle Organizer does help!

First Finish of 2009 for Regular Size Design

I am so happy, I have finished Blackwork Winter by Tam's Creations and I think it came out great! I finished it tonight, May 7, 2009 at about 9:23pm central time. Here is a pic of the completed peice.

Yesterday my neice helped me put in a few stitches. They were a bit messy but I chose to leave them in and add her initals as a "stitcher" of this piece. I figured she might like that when she gets older. Here is a closeup of the center panel snowman, with our initials and the year put into it.

I got a really cute picture of my neice earlier tonight. She had a pretty clip on bow in her hair and sort of looked like Pebbles from The Flintstones, so we just had to get a pic. She is so adorable, so here is a picture of my very cute neice to make you all smile! (Her mother, Stephanie is holding her, and my DD Sam is in the background to the left.)

I am so excited to finally have my first regular size chart finish for the year 2009! I have been battling a depression all year so far, and it seems to finally be lifting. Having the new LazyBoy recliner has helped me a lot more than I thought it ever could. Having a comfortable place to stitch, and be able to stitch for hours and hours without extreme pain, has really energized me again. I have missed stitching so very much, but figured I would just have to live with it, as no matter how I arranged the pillows on my bed, I hurt after just 30 minutes or so of stitching. With this chair, I do not have that problem and can stitch for 2 or 3 hours (or more) at a time, so long as I shift position every 20 minutes or so. I am so happy! Having this stitching corner, and being able to actually stitch has helped with the depression so much! As has having the medication and taking it daily. I am so excited and looking forward to my next project with great excitement!

My DH (Ron), decided that for the anniversary of our 9th year of living together (which is June 21st) that I could buy 9 charts from Heaven and Earth Designs. One for each year. He is not sure why this year's "arrival in Florida" anniversary is such a big deal to him, he just knows that it is. So I went ahead and ordered 9 charts. They arrived today. Here is a picture of my new stash! I hope to be able to start an HAED soon, but I want to get my two Teresa Wentzler UFO's/Wips done before I start such a large project as an HAED. I am so happy that my DH understands now that I get just as much pleasure for collecting (and often looking at, or re-reading magazines) stash as I do from stitching and finishing projects. HAED's are huge, but I am hoping to eventually get all the ones I now own stitched and up on my walls.

Well that's pretty much it for me for today! Happy stitching everyone!

Blackwork Winter Tam's Creations: Update

Well I am done stitching for the day. I was hoping to get this one completed, but ended up having a long conversation with DD, so I put my stitching aside for that. I did get a bit done tonight and am so close to finishing I can taste it! I have that excitement of being so close to finished rushing through me right now and part of me just wants to keep stitching tonight until it is completed, but I can't do that because I have to get up at 6:30AM to get my DS up and off to school. *sigh* So I will just have to finish it tomorrow after my 2 hours on Teresa Wentzler's Wedding Sampler. I am trying to keep my promise of at least 2 hours on that design every day and so far so good. Anyway, here is the progress picture for Blackwork Winter as of May 5, 2009.

I have enjoyed stitching this piece so very much! It is perfect for those times when I hurt too much to concentrate on the TW design. It is perfect for taking with me to appointments and such. It is easy to pack up and take with me if go somewhere for a weekend. I am going to miss it! It's ok though, after I finish the birth sampler for my niece I can either do the wedding sampler for me and DH, or start another Tam's Creations Blackwork as I have a few of her charts in my stash.

Well that's it for me today, see you all later!